Every action we make in our lives, is a vote for something. My first moment of awareness with this was with regard to nutrition. I remember critically acclaimed author, journalist and activist Michael Pollan saying “we vote with our forks.” Every time you put your fork into organic beef or a mountain of non-GMO vegetables or inexpensive prepackaged food, we are sending a message to the giants in the food industry with regard to what we want more of, guiding them to where they should put their money and create more of for us, the consumers. That was an empowering and eye-opening concept and it has certainly been a guiding force for how we, as a couple, have chosen to acquire and prepare food for our family. More mindfully.
I have started to see, though, as I further my mindfulness journey, that this concept can really be applied to every act in our day-to-days.
Once upon a time, I would gleefully gab on the phone for hours and hours. Since having children, though, I have become the opposite of a “phone person.” I am yapping in my house all day long surrounded by people now large and small. Picking up the phone to reach out to the people I love sadly has smaller appeal amidst my hustle bustle because it’s usually interrupted, it’s fractionated, I lose my train of thought, I’m distracted, and there’s incessant background noise overlaid atop the whole experience. Do I adore my friends and family? With my whole entire heart. Have I been voting (without realizing it) to have less daily connection because of my hesitation to reach out because it’s not convenient? Yes.
Ouch.
I recently read a post on Instagram where someone was sitting on a city bus and listened as the person next to her picked up the phone, connected with whomever was on the other end, and they recounted what they ate all day, the appointments they had, and their plan for the evening, and hung up. She reflected that she thought it seemed funny to only share such insignificant details, nothing deep there, but that maybe that was what life was all about… sharing these tiny insignificant moments.
That struck me because for years, I have friends and family who do exactly that. They know what their people eat for breakfast, lunch and dinner. They know that their people had a restless night last night and that their pinky toe is bothering them a little bit. I would wide-eyed shake my head in a mixture of admiration and overwhelm because my day is filled, as a family of six, with members who do or do not eat their breakfasts, lunches and dinners. I am living with restless nights times six, simply based upon who in my house has a nightmare that night or wets the bed or can’t get their list of to-do’s out of our minds. There are broken bones and bruises and boo boos galore. How could I possibly devote more headspace and heartspace to more people and their little stuff every single day. But maybe that’s what closeness really is to them, or maybe that’s what closeness really is, period. And that’s beautiful.
Because of recent holidays and birthdays, I have been deeply appreciative of the relationships I do have in this world, the people I haven’t laid eyes on in multiple calendar years or even talked to in nearly as long, but whose hearts I share and whose connection I feel, despite the lack of sharing the daily details. It has buoyed me greatly to know that these humans exist on this planet and even though we don’t talk often, when we do, it is as if no time has passed. We all have matured and seen dark times, and the subject matter we discuss now holds greater depth, but we carry one another in our hearts, despite the lack of face or phone time, and when we have a few minutes or hours, we can dive straight into the intense, meaty topics that crowd our minds and souls, skipping entirely the pleasantries often associated with distance.
But it has shaken me a bit to think about my day to days…. the votes I didn’t really realize that I cast, as my Mondays turn into Fridays and then back into Mondays once again. The family and friends who live next door, around the corner, two towns over. The ones I adore and carry in my heart. The ones I don’t pick up the phone to call because I’m “not a phone person,” and the ones I’m not scheduling time with because our calendar is so busy at baseline that adding to it makes me wiggle.
Many of the friends in my neighborhood that I *have* gotten to lay eyes on recently on a sideline or in a parking lot this winter, when we do finally see each other, we all have shared some similar feelings of isolation and aloneness. Yes it’s the northeast, yes it’s winter, yes we are entering our 40s and babies aren’t babies and park play dates have turned into board room meetings and working from home and teaching 5th graders and yogis how to downdog.
But.
In our daily dizziness, the truth is, at this stage in our lives, that we are, consciously or not, casting votes. For Netflix and time with our spouses. For hikes with our families. For pajamas and pizza. For earlier bedtimes. And that’s great! It’s what I’m doing too. And maybe that’s what our hearts and souls need to get filled up. To save money. To survive the madness of our day to days.
But it’s an interesting concept, nonetheless, to reflect on. Let us all be sure that there aren’t votes you need to be casting. Maybe you really do need some time over coffee with your best friend. Maybe you are drowning in the pinky toe pain discussions from coworkers and friends and you need some space for quiet. Maybe you need more connection in your life and you’d give your left pinky toe to know what your best friend is having for dinner tonight. Maybe it’s been a bit since you’ve called your dad. Or your cousin. Or your old roommate. Maybe the friend who shares every single thing with you is draining your energy and you need a break. Maybe you keep intending to plan a girls night but then life happens and the fun night out to blow off steam never comes to fruition. I don’t know what your needs or desires are but the truth is, all of it is in our control and in the end, it all comes down to the decisions we make and the votes we cast each day. If there are people who inspire you, who build you up, who make you feel strong and smart and special…. make time for them. If you feel alone, pick up the phone. It’s not always simply that people aren’t calling you…you possess that power too. If you are swirling in noise, duck out and enjoy some quiet. It’s all there for you. And it’s all up to you. And it’s all beautiful, whatever your heart needs. Just listen closely, and cast your vote accordingly and with intention. Every day we have is the only one we’ve got.
Care to share your thoughts?