I am part of the problem.
The world is on fire. Centuries of pain and suffering and discrimination and death have hurt and haunted people of color in this country and beyond. This fire that has been swirling for eons has ignited a screaming sky-high flame now bigger than any one of us….and it’s engulfing the world. At this point, this fire is so massive and pervasive….continually, sadly, fueled by hatred but sustained by silence.… it is no longer possible to ignore.
I am a nice person who teaches universal kindness in our home to our four children. Also, I am white. The deaths of innocent black men and women, who have parents and siblings and children and friends…. Daily. Weekly. Monthly. They. Just. Keep. Happening. I read. I watch. I listen. I have spent the last few years beginning to explore bits within myself about systemic racism, implicit bias, white privilege, and white fragility. Race is something we talk about in our home. My role in this national problem? I have stayed silent more broadly on this matter. My issue? I foolishly felt that putting my voice in this dialogue could be polarizing, politically. I have friends and family who find themselves on all parts of the political spectrum, and I love that I find connection in people with such a wide array of beliefs and I genuinely respect each and every one for any opinion that they may hold. A chronic people-pleaser, I never wanted to upset the balance or have people I love think negatively about me because I’m throwing myself into the ring. But here’s the kicker: to me, this isn’t a political issue at all. It’s a human issue. And I am *mad.* I read these names and hear their stories. Trayvon Martin (“crime”: went to a convenience store). Breonna Taylor (“crime”: sitting at home). Ahmaud Arbery (“crime”: jogging in his mother’s neighborhood). Atatiana Jefferson (“crime”: playing a video game in her own home with her nephew). George Floyd (“crime”: allegedly writing a bad check). My heart breaks, I share their stories with my children, and I pray that the next generation will be better. But all of my silence and my privately held “hopes and prayers” alone and in isolation don’t work. And, sadly, neither do yours. Guys, this is a horror show happening in our country. And it’s been happening for too long.
My first grader in his pandemic homeschooling completed a music lesson yesterday where the children learned about jazz. I love jazz and was excited to read and hear and understand a bit more. Not surprisingly, the lesson was riddled with stories of race. One that struck me most involved Duke Ellington who is arguably one of the best musicians of all time….he and his colored counterparts performed at The Cotton Club in Manhattan with his band….for white people only. People of color were not permitted inside to sit and enjoy, only to work and entertain. This was in the 1920s and 30s.
My fourth grader is also currently doing a report about Jackie Robinson. We have read and researched and, as a baseball obsessed boy, we have also watched “The Jackie Robinson Story” (starring Jackie himself) and the newer film “42.” The discrimination we learned that he endured his entire life….starting at 8 years old, when a white man threw rocks at him because he spoke to the man’s daughter while he was raking their yard. That was in 1927. As an unbelievable athlete, Jackie was hand-selected to be the very first African American to play in Major League Baseball….because he was excellent, and he was strong…just so long as he stayed silent about race. He was told in no uncertain terms that he. Could. Not. Say. Anything. And. He. Could. Not. Fight. Back. The famous exchange between Jackie and Dodger’s owner, Branch Rickey, (who, to be fair, was forward thinking and brave himself to push for this change in the game) where Jackie said, “You want a player who doesn’t have the guts to fight back?” Branch replied “No, I want a player who’s got the guts *not* to fight back.” He was expected to hear the taunts and receive the punches, and also silently dominate in the world of baseball. This was in the 1940s and 50s.
Martin Luther King’s “I Have A Dream Speech” was in 1963.
Slavery was abolished in 1865.
It is 2020.
And people are still being targeted. Suspected (not confirmed) and shot. Will Smith said, “Racism is not getting worse. It’s getting filmed.” And he’s right. People are now using their smartphones and capturing what has been happening all along. It’s uncomfortable to watch. It’s uncomfortable to think about. It’s uncomfortable to talk about.
Somewhere in my heart I thought, we just need a few more generations of time and space and kind people raising kind people and slowly our world will change.
It’s not.
And I now recognize that I am part of the problem. I do not in any way support the KKK. I am not a bigot. I do not condone or use racial slurs. I am kind to all, regardless of skin color.
But that is not enough. And that’s the problem. Because so many of us don’t have to worry that we might be shot if we are out for a run. We don’t look around twice everywhere we go. We don’t question what we wear and wonder if it will make us look like we are up to something when we leave our home… because it doesn’t affect us personally, it can be easier to let it be.
My heart was set on fire again yesterday as I watched as an African American man shared his experience with racism and advised white people on ways to help. He simply said: pretend that these people who are being killed are your brother. Your friend. Your son. Then do whatever you would do if that were the case. The saddest part to me in all of this is that somewhere along the way, we have forgotten that we are all humans sharing a collective human experience. We often like to put people in boxes, stick with our kind politically, demographically…… the news is all about us vs them. But the truth is, we are all human beings. Pretend they are our brothers? They ARE our brothers. Just because we don’t know them personally, we are still connected. And if someone did hurt or kill one of my brothers? And then my other brother? And then my dad? And my neighbor? And my friends cousin? And my best friend? Over and over…. for decades? For centuries? I would be *furious* and right now, for all these people that I don’t know but who have been treated wrongly for so long, I *am* furious. I am FURIOUS.
So. Now what?
Can you text?
Color of Change has an initiative to ensure justice in the George Floyd case, text 55156 and fill in your information to add your name to a petition.
Move On also has a similar initiative, text 668366 and do the same.
Are you on social media?
Brittany Packnett, Nicole Hannah Jones, Ibram X. Kendi, Mariame Kaba, W. Kamau Bell, Rashad Robinson, Layla F Saad, Black Lives Matter, Grassroots Law, Black Coffee With White Friends, and Black Voices are all great follows.
Do you have a moment to read some articles? These are a couple of good ones.
https://mlk50.com/black-mother-pleas-on-nextdoor-for-her-son-a116bf749fdd
https://www.thecut.com/amp/2020/05/george-floyd-protests-how-to-help-where-to-donate.html
https://medium.com/equality-includes-you/what-white-people-can-do-for-racial-justice-f2d18b0e0234
Do you find in quarantine that you have some time on your hands to read? Here are some good books.
https://www.businessinsider.com/books-white-privilege-novels-racism-antiracism-black-scholars-2020-6
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/46002342
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/40265832
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/18114115-the-triple-package
https://imgv2-1-f.scribdassets.com/img/word_document/370888249/original/432×574/aae1bebb36/1584669617?v=1
https://www.audible.com/pd?asin=163557546X&source_code=ASSORAP0511160006
Do you have kids? Here are some things to watch and read.
https://www.embracerace.org/resources/where-to-find-diverse-childrens-books
Do you have money that you can donate to these causes?
https://www.gofundme.com/f/georgefloyd This fund is designed to cover funeral and burial expenses, mental and grief counseling, lodging and travel for all court proceedings, and to assist our family in the days to come as we continue to seek justice for George. A portion of these funds will also go to the Estate of George Floyd for the benefit and care of his children and their educational fund.
https://www.gofundme.com/f/i-run-with-maud This fund helps to provide financial support to Ahmaud’s family as they work to fight for justice.
https://www.naacpldf.org/about-us/ The NAACP Legal Defense Fund supports racial justice through advocacy, litigation, and education.
https://bailproject.org The Bail Project is a national nonprofit organization that pays bail for people in need, reuniting families and restoring the presumption of innocence.
(Do you know of other funds, books, leaders in this field? Please share and I will add them – we can all learn from one another – I am a student on this journey too).
And if all of this seems too much….like with all things, the path to making things right must start in your heart. Ask yourself the hard, uncomfortable questions. Talk to your spouse. To your kids. To your friends. I always thought, reading back on life when Martin Luther King was alive and thinking that I would have been proud to stand up and to listen to his speeches. To picket and be at the front lines working hard to fight for equality. But years later, the same problems exist and I’m sitting at home. Guys. Things have to be made better. The world is a beautiful place. Every little thing we do counts. The world is better than this. We are better than this. We actually CAN help. And I really believe all of us, regardless of the color of our skin, we all must. Being vulnerable, getting uncomfortable, learning and talking, having the difficult conversations…. we can do this. Together.
Kate, thank you for writing this and sharing your thoughts. I have been struggling with how to move forward since watching the video of George Floyd. I have been paralyzed with anger.
Your comparison to picketing with MLK Jr. is powerful. We often look back at what happened then with shock and disgust, and we think we would have walked alongside POC or at least supported their efforts in some way. Yet, I, too, am mostly silent publicly because I don’t want to be polarizing or present an opinion that may cause conflict. It’s the epitome of privilege. I have been grappling with racism and my own biases for the last year or so, and George Floyd’s death has been a slap in the face. Reading, following POC on social media, and discussing with my close (also privileged) friends is not enough.
Thank you for providing ideas and resources on how to move forward. My friend also shared this resource: https://medium.com/equality-includes-you/what-white-people-can-do-for-racial-justice-f2d18b0e0234
Sara, thank you so much for sharing your heart and your words. You’re exactly right – I finally said to myself how ridiculous…for me *not* to say something in fear that a few people may not be comfortable or like it (or me)…(white privilege)…when so many people are hurting and don’t have a choice, that pain lives with them no matter what. I will definitely add that link – many thanks for sharing it. We can do this by being brave ourselves and hopefully inspiring others to do the same. ❤️