“Does this ever happen to you?” a dear friend asks in between peals of laughter, eyes wide, palms out on the counter leaning in towards us.
Four of us had gathered during the two hours of semi-freedom afforded us from preschool around a kitchen island and we connected over shared cups of seasonal Keurig KCup coffee choices and muffins and we giggled and gabbed and face palmed and crazy-eye-neck twitched. We lamented over rough mornings, kids who can’t find shoes, husbands who can’t help kids who can’t find shoes, angry looks from our children through bus windows, whiney toddlers, joys and struggles in our marriages and lives and in business and coaching endeavors…. things that every blessed one of us is dealing with inside our own homes, behind closed doors. Man, oh man, though. To just HEAR that others among us are ALSO and *SIMULTANEOUSLY* dealing with the same dang crap we are? Ahh. Life goals.
Genuinely, I feel very deeply grateful because as I’ve meandered along in my 37 years on this earth, I have had the distinct delight of meeting some truly beautiful souls.
Hilarious humans.
Deep people.
Smart chicks.
Thoughtful, generous hearts.
Wild child status fun-lovers.
Supportive listeners.
Incredible storytellers.
Creative free spirits.
Organizational gurus.
Empathic, emotive, intuitive, old souls.
Some I have known since I was small, others I’ve only known for months.
Some friends, though radical gifts for my morale, I only see a few times a year…or every few years.
Sometimes, after stalking one another in our natural habitats for months like old-timey safari-hat-donning and circle-shaped-bespectacled-British-jungle-conservationists (think: a cross between Jane’s father in Disney’s Tarzan and that pic of Teddy Roosevelt sitting with his safari hat on his knee…spoken like a BBC journalist peeking out from behind the frond of a fern), we track coordinates and attempt to sync schedules via shared voicemail messages, at last we connect during a rare and elusive 5 minute interrupted minivan phone call.
Some are more textable than phoneable, with some I generally only “see” on group texts while others send singular love notes.
Some we vibe together over email manifestos, documenting our woes and wins.
Some we trade snarky memes back and forth making us both ell oh ell for real.
Some we sweat together and motivate each other at the gym and share sideways glances in between gasps for air, muscles shaking, pushing each other to keep going, willing the time to tick on so we can high five and be proud of ourselves over a smoothie once it’s over.
Some we send pictures of ourselves in shared moments of insanity clinking wine glasses into our iPhone cameras as we inch toward bedtime.
Some we trade knowing glances and share our daily struggles in the preschool drop off line, nodding ounces of strength to the other when one of our kiddos is melting down.
Some we shuffle our families within and across state lines for hangouts and sleepovers to make efforts to connect so that our kids can love each other the same way we love each other.
Some we huddle together with on rainy soccer sidelines or around sweltering swimming pools or in packed gymnasiums or in the chilly audiences of dance recitals and we carpool and caravan and gift coffees once in a while.
Some I share almost daily powwows with at the end of our driveways as we muddle through moments, both lovely and laborious, updating each other on doctors appointments and car issues and heartstring tugs and firsts and lasts and life plans.
Some, though we don’t connect often, I think of them often, when I hear a certain song or see an old photo or have a fleeting random thought and I mean, in earnest and with a genuine heart, to text them to tell them…but then life happens and the text never goes out and the moment passes with only my heart knowing how much I miss them.
Some I live very near to, but incredibly our paths seem to never cross, even though I keep looking for them as I make my rounds at various schools and fields.
Some live clear around the globe and we alternate sharing hearts and likes on social media, keeping the love alive from afar.
Some we rarely speak at all but when we do finally connect in person it feels as though zero minutes have passed and it’s like an absolute freaking shower of rainbows and butterflies and unicorns for my spirit…like the cucumber slices for my puffy eyes during an imagined spa day in my mind, the reunion soothes and recalibrates and restores.
Sharing our life successes and sideways missteps with our people, I think, is one of the most magnificent gifts to a soul that a human can provide oneself. I even read a study that showed proof that having friendships helps you to actually truly live a longer, healthier, happier life, because they physically and emotionally keep you interconnected with your world. Friendships are our gift to each other, like an intricate weaving together of a giant safety net beneath the flying trapeze and tightropes in the circus of life, there to catch us when we fall and bounce us back up into the game, supporting us, springing us to return to our path. Whether we fell during a new trick on the tight rope or if we were fearfully inching our way forward and just couldn’t take another step, the safety net of buddies and phone calls and pep talks and shared history is there beneath you. It won’t shield us completely from the bruises and cuts life dishes out, but it softens the fall. It’s science, guys. We are all bestowed the opportunity to collect friends as we make our way through our own jaunts and junkets in this world. If we’re awake to this, we can store little pieces of each friend in our hearts for the rest of our days. Soak it all in when you beautifully, thankfully, amazingly are actually with these special people. Store up their words of sage advice, virtual embraces, shared eye rolls, or digitally-enabled FaceTime wine clinks in your mind for the moments when you inevitably cannot be together. Know that your people are with you, wherever you are. Seek out time with your friends. They might have just the right words to snap you out of your bad mood. They might leave you a little lighter than when you arrived. Or one day you might be there to catch them if they fall.
I, for one, am endlessly grateful to each person on this planet who I’ve gotten to share friendship sparks with. Looking back, how exciting it is when you meet someone and they say *something* that cinches the deal for you…. you think: YOU! You. You are going to be my person. How LUCKY for me to have been right here on this very day while the earth slowly spins in the universe and to have gotten to share a conversation with *you*! Cosmic happenstance. Or God’s plan. However you conceptualize it, it’s a beautiful thing. Keep your eyes peeled. These people are out there for us. And once you find them, never let them go. Make the effort to stay connected. I’ve had eras and years where I’ve been better at this, and embarrassingly worse. It’s hard sometimes. The best ones are the ones who know that it’s hard too. And there’s no scorecard. There’s no angst or disappointment in the inevitable lapses of connection. It’s all love. Acknowledging the distance, of course, but love all the same. And THAT right there is a win, folks.
The coffee date ended with my whiney toddler demanding attention and prompting a quick exit. We each returned to our own lives…haircuts, preschool pickups, anniversary dinners, soccer practices. My heart was light though. Laughter and connection and being seen in this world does wonders for our spirit. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again…girlfriends and guy friends and old friends and new friends sure do make the world go ’round.
Ahhhhh….you evoke so many memories! Your blogs are not only for young mothers going through the wonders of raising children (and, sometimes, husbands?) but also for we who have been there.
Love this! Love you!
Aunt Terry
Awww Aunt Terry!!!! That makes me so so so happy to hear!!!! My heart is singing!! Thank you!! ❤️
as I sit, after savoring your every word,I noticed the sounds of a breeze,the graceful dance of falling leaves,the shadows of the midday sun ,a chirping wren….my memory of seeing you as I drove past the Beaufort cottage..little Katie in pink koshes from long ago….my heart is filled with joy….”a Katie moment”
This is so beautiful, Aunt Nanette!! Thank you so much for sharing that – love that visual of the sun on your face, the breeze in your hair, the birds chirping…beautiful!
Amen sister!!! Love this post
Thank you, sweet friend!!!! ❤️
I agree with your Aunt Terry. I enjoyed reading your blog about girlfriends…even though I am a Grandmother I still relate to what your wrote. So happy to be surrounded by my girlfriends for so many years. I enjoy watching my daughter who is in the same stage as you raising young children and juggling so much but she has her girlfriends by her side. Thanks Katie!
Ohhh Katherine!! That is so wonderful to hear!! I am so so happy this resonated with you. We can’t do it all by ourselves and the older I get, the more I find myself leaning on my girlfriends, for varying reasons and in various seasons… but how special each one of them is to me! Whether they’ve been around for a long time or short, we do all need each other. ❤️ Thank you so much for your kind comment!! Xo